10 February 2008

Herr Salzburg

SALZBURG, AT
Tension and excitement penetrated the air in the Frauhaus and Penthouse this last Thursday night as young women from all accross the United States gathered for the big event. VIP, Father Jim Connelly also put aside his important duties as director to see what the fuss was all about.
No. It wasn't the Vienna Opera Ball.
It was the Mister Salzburg Competition, 2008. The theme being "step yo' game up" and the fine young lads of Mannerstrasse certainly did that.
The mistress of ceremonies, Valerie Vernale, kept the crownd in suspense as the men prepared for the Evening Wear portion of the program. As the competetors were introduced, the crowd could hardly contain their excitment. They became even more undone with Isaac Otto's shirt buttons. Joe Hanson-Hirt owned this segment of the competition, sporting a vinyl overcoat and looking suave as could be.
Vernale conducted the interviews, covering many importatnt topics: philosophy, world policy, interpersonal relations, and UFOs. The audience was thrilled to see the deeper, more sensitive side of the competitors. Smooth operator, Clint Niehus impressed the judges the most with his interview skills.
As is to be expected, the talent segment of the competition was the most exhilarating and eventful. Otto shared a beautiful and graceful ballet to Swan Lake with the lovely and talented Seonaid Squires. Niehus came forth with a rap full of angst and brutal honesty. Aaron Ragsdale melted the hearts of the audience with his original song, "Does She Know?" It is certain that every single girl in the crowd secretly wished he was singing to her. The audience was soon dazzled by Hansen-Hirt's well-executed ribbon dance. Finally, Kevin Mowery exhibited runway technique that would put even Derek Zoolander to shame. Mowery took home the prize for most talented.

Vernale kept the crowd entertained as the men prepared themselves for the Beer Chug portion of the competition. Not only were they judged on their frat house skill but also their class. Otto came out on top in the beer chug, though Hansen-Hirt certainly brought the class.
As the judges tallied the points, I overheard Hansen-Hirt exclaim, "I told them to step their game up...and they actually did."Otto came out as runner up in the competition, but Ragsdale took home both the Mr. Congeniality and the Mr. Salzburg awards.The dining room was cleared out and the beer pitchers washed and the UP center threw an after party that would put Sean Combs to shame.*








*major exaggeration

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